How I Met My Husband vs. How It's Going Now

How I met my husband:

  He was put-together, attentive,  charming, and acted like being near me was the best part of his day.

How it's going now:

         He cannot find his own phone while it is in his hand, he needs me to remind him of things I said eleven minutes ago, and his idea of a romantic evening sometimes involves asking me if I want to watch the game with him.

And yet. Here we are. Still choosing each other. Still building something.

This is the honest version of a long-term black marriage that nobody puts in the highlight reel.

The "how I met him" version of your husband was real. And the man sitting across from you right now is also real. They are the same person at different chapters. The chapter where he was trying to win you. And the chapter where he trusts that you are already won and has relaxed into being fully, completely, sometimes frustratingly human.

That relaxation is actually a form of love. It is just the least photogenic form.

Here is what the gap between "how we met" and "how it's going" actually tells you.

It tells you that the performance phase is over. That means what you have now is more honest than what you had then. It is less polished and more real. Less performance and more person. And real, honest, everyday love is more valuable than the curated version, even when it is harder to romanticize.

The trap black wives fall into is measuring the current chapter against the early chapter and concluding that something is broken. Nothing is broken. Something has simply become familiar. And familiar needs tending, not replacing.

Tend to it. Choose it. Laugh at it. Because a husband who trusts you enough to stop performing for you is a husband who loves you enough to be real with you.

That is actually everything.

Come laugh, learn, and grow with black wives who are navigating every chapter of their black marriage inside The Uncommon Wife Community at www.skool.com/theuncommonwife.

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